JUST EAT IT

Are you hungry? Are you are thinking about a thick steak…char-broiled and medium rare, with a side of baked potato topped with butter, sour cream, and bacon?

Well, knock it off, you climate denier bigot! Don’t you know we have a planet to save? Your selfish, primitive urge to eat red meat is killing millions! “How dare you!” as Greta Thunberg, the professional scold, would say. The WEF control freaks don’t want you eating meat. Not sustainable, they’ll tell you. Cows release methane into the atmosphere. It’s terrifying! Not only should you not eat meat, you should forget about garden vegetables. Gardening releases too much CO2 into the air, doncha know? CO2 is a whopping .04 percent of the atmosphere. We can't have it going to .041 due to meat eating populaces. We need to let unelected oligarchs at the top of the food chain tell us all how to eat properly.

We are joking—and fortunately sane people are rejecting the WEF’s foray into culinary ventures. Plant-based and fake meat burgers were a complete failure. People going to Burger King wanted it their way. Customers wanted burgers made from ground beef, not ground sawdust.

Bill Gates was heavily invested in companies that manufactured lab-grown meat. He dumped those stocks at the top when he caught whiff of the unpopularity of fake meat. Yet for a while Bill thought people would enthusiastically line up for a steak grown in a petri dish. Sounds appetizing, huh? He wouldn’t eat such things…Bill only eats the finest steaks and foods. He and his family refuse vaccines, too. Altered food and experimental vaccines are for the masses.

If you find lab ground meat disgusting, you can instead pile your plate high with various creepy crawlers and vermin. Maybe there will be soon be a company that collects and processes road kill. (Skunk meat will taste just like chicken!) The WEF’s head honcho, Klaus Schwab, wants you to eat bugs and be happy. Yummy cricket paste cookies! The trouble is, you may already be eating bug powder. We suggest you read the food labels at your grocery store. And while you are there, why not stock up on Kellogg’s brand cereals. The CEO of that company realizes how expensive food is right now, thanks to Joe Biden’s inflation. He suggests you eat cereal for dinner to save money. Mass-manufactured cereal may contain GMO grains and pesticide residue, so beware. Again, read those labels!

Speaking of labels, we found a toxic substance listed in the oatmeal we were eating—and it wasn’t even Quaker brand. It was a chemical left over from pesticides. Such noxious and cancer-causing substances are increasingly found in our food and beverages. It’s no wonder incidences of cancer are on the increase. It is imperative that labels are complete and accurate. Food lobbyists would love us to remain ignorant. It’s almost as if oligarchs such as Bill Gates want us to die early of cancer or something. Is that why he and his billionaire ilk are buying up great swaths of farmland? Is that why they are leveraging governments to confiscate farmland? Is that why they control the supply of seeds? Is that why they want to forbid the use of fertilizers, thereby stunting the production of food?

We must loudly complain when politicians try passing laws prohibiting us from backyard gardening. We must say NO to GMO food, Frankenmeat, and bugs. Still, the faux food pushers won’t let you get off that easily. They are slipping their bio-engineered materials into common foods without your consent. We must become food detectives and read all labels! Even common foods such as Hellmann’s mayonnaise has some bio-engineered goodies slipped into the ingredient list. So does Kraft. Stay away from Unilever foods. A good replacement is Duke’s. That’s the brand that we like.

Be aware and put on your Sherlock Holmes hat when you go to the grocery store.

Bon Appétit!